Series Author: Heidi Sander

Interview with: Julie Flanders

Meet Writing Through Grief Poetry Series with Julie Flanders

For my Writing Through Grief Poetry Series, I wanted to share thoughts with Julie Flanders, an award-winning poet and lyricist both independently and as part of the globally recognized group, October Project. She has many unique projects underway, including a powerful poetry piece “The Big Sadness” which focuses on grief and our journey through it.

I hope you enjoy this Q&A!

–Heidi

How does poetry soothe a grieving heart? Why does it deserve a role in the grieving process? 

Poetry can be very healing.  It invites us to experience language, words and the “empty spaces” between them as a way to elevate our senses and awareness.  Poems can freshen perspective by pointing out the unnoticed, the forgotten, the underappreciated aspects of life that we shove down in order to function in a world of demands.  Poetry has the power, through words, to access or activate strong or soft emotions and to offer the consolation of deep reflection and connection into the healing process.

In what ways does poetry reach a part of us that therapy or other forms of self-help and support cannot? 

Gentle or fierce, a poem is a powerful way to sing through pain and back into the full scope of life.

Reading poetry can bypass resistance to feeling and provide a deep or soothing experience in an emotionally, repeatable way.  A favorite poem can be a solace, a harbor of quiet and self-soothing.  

The process of reading poetry typically quiets and focuses the mind without narrowing it into analysis – great poetry defies analysis.  It works a kind of magic that is beyond words because the words themselves are instruments of transformation, rather than information.  

Self-help tends to be prescriptive whereas poetry is explorative.  A poem can speak into grief differently over time, as a person changes the understanding of a poem can deepen and resonate with greater and greater meaning.  

Poetry can reach past logic and into what meditators call a kind of non-dual or meditative awareness.

Not all poetry is meant to soothe and heal.  Some poetry is meant to animate and exhort change.  But poems that restore injured spirits can be generations-deep in their influence.  Rumi, Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson all have that impact.  Rather than thinking of it as “instead of ” or “beyond therapy,” poetry might be thought of as an instrument of healing that synergizes with other approaches.

Writing poetry can be an incredible form of therapy.  It helps take an inexpressible set of feelings and give them voice in a way that does not reduce or dishonor the size of a loss, but does help to hold it into  emotional resolution.

As a hypnotherapist, I use language as a healing tool in direct and poetic ways because we form our thoughts from words and we generate feelings from thoughts. So a nuanced use of words can absolutely help a person heal, whether through their own self-exploration by writing/journaling or creating poetry. Or, by receiving love and care through reading poems or hearing and feeling the support of others’ words.

Why did you create the poem “The Big Sadness”? What do you hope its words and themes will give to those who experience it?

“The Big Sadness” is meant to address the HUM of sadness that grief can cause in an ordinary day, both invisibly and as an indivisibly altering experience.  

In a short period of time, I suffered a lot of death and loss.  Then, we were all flung into COVID lockdown which, as someone based in New York City, was severely isolating.  I noticed how GRIEF in my life was a palpable – but hidden – energy. It was like an ongoing process I kept avoiding but also confronting, like an unwelcome emotional seesaw.  

Our society now is bereft of ways to grieve.  We are without community, ritual, time or space for the deeper currents and currencies of life to move through us and resolve.  “The Big Sadness” was meant to express what happens when we have insufficient expression.  Grief becomes an ocean that surrounds us and affects everything – mitigating our ability to engage, connect and feel the other colors of life.  

I knew I was not alone in my sadness and I thought that sharing the poem might be a way to surmount what felt like a painful, singular experience but is actually a plight of the collective.    

Just a few weeks ago, as we began the new year, my beloved father-in-law died.  There was so little time, space or room to feel the depth of the loss before having to jump back into obligations.  The funeral came and went in a blur of bad weather and though the event is finished, the feelings, by no means, are “done.”  That experience, I believe, happens to so many people – more often than we realize.

We need better ways to hold each other and to redesign our future to include more care, tenderness and human kindness.  “The Big Sadness” is my way of sharing poetry – in a digital format via YouTube – that relates to that experience so those feelings of grief can help an audience going through it.

How does writing poetry transport us from our typical thinking and mindset — and what impact can that have on our grief journey?

Writing poetry is a fascinating process.  

It is like swallowing the sky with our eyes on a beautiful day.  Poetry holds what cannot be held and gives voice to what is still silent in its essence. 

Poetry is the instrument of “the unknowable” and grief connects us to the unknowable through loss, mortality and the inevitable passing of everything we care about.  

Writing poetry engages language in a different way than just talking – it gives form and lyricism to the ordinary elements of experience through a process of focussed attention and creative opening.

What advice would you give those looking to use poetry as a healing path?

Here are some ideas for those who wish to get started in poetry as a way of grief expression  —

• MAKE TIME to be with yourself –  Poetry emerges from time and space with yourself.  Grief processes the same way so poetry is a wonderful way to elicit, catch, and release feeling into words.
• YOUR courage to feel can be shared – Think about your emotions and how you want them to be infused in your poems, how you want readers of your poems to feel.  Let it be messy. Messy can be good.
• Reading counts – Reading poetry invites a poetic space in which to find your own voice.  Specifically for grief poetry, look into authors like Ocean Vuong, David Whyte, Mary Oliver — you can see their work on sites like Poetry Foundation and Poets.org
• Sit down and just WRITE WHATEVER COMES –  Let your words be unjudged. Let your feelings be free. Say what you feel — that is enough.  If you feel “silence” say that. If you feel stuck, say that.  Let your hand move without any thought about whether it is good or bad or even a poem — just write!!  There will be a truth in you that needs to come and words will HOLD that truth. Writing is a birthing process and to incubate a poem you need to show up and nourish yourself — just get your thoughts out.  Most people prefer writing poetry by hand, but if you are inclined to use your phone or computer, you can type with your eyes closed or you can even use a voice memo to speak your first draft of a poem.  Anything you write is GOOD. There is always rewriting later if you feel you want to, but that is definitely not necessary to begin creating poetry.

As an artist, you’ve created a body of work in both the music world and poetry space.  Do you have an especially meaningful piece you’ve created that focuses on grief?

When my Dad passed away, I wrote October Project’s “Something More Than This.”

The song has always been close to my heart because of the way I felt when writing it and that period in my life. I’m so connected to it because it exposes the fear and sadness I experienced which I know is shared by others going through that same grief journey.

What is the next Julie Flanders project? 

I’ll be featuring a new poetry book later this year. 

The latest album from October Project, The Ghost of Childhood, will be released in full in May this year which is really exciting. The single “This is For You” (which features digital art on our music video from America’s Got Talent Fantasy league contender and our friend/collaborator, Kseniya Simonova) and also the song “Lost” came out in the last six months and we’re really energized by the swell of listener feedback.   You can check out and pre-save our newest song from The Ghost of Childhood, “Changing Light of Love” on our website.

How To Connect With Julie Flanders

Julie Flanders Website: Julieflanders.com